>From: Rob Young <firstname.lastname@example.org>
>Date: Fri, Jun 30, 2000, 12:07 AM
>I just finished reviewing www.wheeled-locusts.org, and I must write to
>thank you for creating this important site. I'm pleased to see that
>someone has recognized the damage caused by this two-wheeled scourge,
>and is doing something about it.
Thank you for your comments. It was indeed brilliant, for you to blame your destruction of wildlife and wildlife habitat on everybody else, allowing you to get off scott-free. I will have to remember to use that technique in the future.
>Do you have any Internet sites addressing other environmental concerns?
>As you've put an appreciable amount of effort into the mountain biking
>issue, I'd love to see the work you've done to address other more
>urgent issues, such as global warming, depletion of the ozone layer,
>pollution of our oceans, and human overpopulation. I'm certain an
>environmentalist such as yourself must live in a cabin without
>electricity, consume environmentally and socially responsible products
>with no absolutely no packaging, and use only a bicycle for
>transportation (keeping it on paved roads, of course). And I'm sure you
>must have no children, because few environmental problems can't be
>traced back to simple overpopulation.
Brilliant! You are quite right, only perfect people have the right to criticize mountain biking! Everyone else is too compromised to be able to find any legitimate fault with mountain bikers and mountain biking, and should just shut up and mind their own business, huh! BOY, YOU TOLD THEM, HUH? They must be shivering in their boots, right now.
>It's commendable that you choose to alienate mountain bikers instead of
>working with them.
You are quite right. Mountain bikers are VERY SENSITIVE, "SPECIAL" PEOPLE, who, unlike everyone else, are constitutionally incapable of handling any criticism, however slight. While normal people take criticism and look to see if it contains any validity, and modify their behavior accordingly, MOUNTAIN BIKERS, on the other hand, are, like, TOTALLY turned off by the slightest smell of TRUTH, and probably go home and pout for a week, scheming to devise some way to COUNTERATTACK! They are, after all, the modern version of the WARRIORS, SAMURAI, and NINJAS of olden times. They have HONOR! They have DIGNITY! They don't brook the shadows of no peons crossing THEIR path!
Obviously, they have no interest in preserving
>natural areas from pollution or development, as we hikers do. It's
>probably the best strategy to battle them for exclusive access to
You are right. Mountain bikers are people joined at birth to their $3000 MACHINES, and are HONOR BOUND NEVER to be seen doing anything so LOWLY as WALKING, or other such MUNDANE, peon-like activities. Not THEM! It is BENEATH them for their feet to touch the ground, for they are MIGHTY WARRIORS who would be, like, TOTALLY DEFILED by having to WALK, LIKE OTHER PEOPLE! After all, their time is EXTREMELY VALUABLE! They don't have TIME to go anywhere by WALKING. That would be a WASTE of their valuable TIME! They must travel all the trails in the park AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, so that they can get on to the NEXT park, and the NEXT! Looking closely at NATURE, and savoring glimpses of the wondrous creatures that live there is BENEATH their NOBLE NATURES. They have MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO! BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO! They don't have time to dawdle along like sombody's GRANDMOTHER, for God's sake! Pew!
instead of joining them in keeping natural areas from being
>turned into golf courses or housing developments.
You are right. Any park that doesn't allow mountain bikers to chew it up and spit out the pieces is in IMMINENT DANGER of being IMMEDIATELY being taken over by DEVELOPERS and turned into a big ... PARKING LOT! Gag! I am so glad that you alerted me to that danger. I am going to start sounding the clarion all over this country, before it's too late. To think that there are actually remote areas of wildlife habitat that don't have the protection of knobby tires whizzing and skidding in all directions, PROTECTING THEM from the bulldozers that are headed their way AT THIS VERY MINUTE is more than I can BEAR! GOD BLESS you for bringing that to my attention, before it is TOO LATE!
God knows, any hike
>during which I see a bicycle in the woods is as good as ruined. Trails
>are for hikers, and hikers only.
You are SO RIGHT! SHAME on those hikers for only thinking about protecting wildlife and the "blooming, buzzing confusion of nature" (whatever THAT is!). Whatever got into their heads?! What ever made them think that they could protect those beautiful areas, without the help of the TRAIL WARRIORS?! I am going out RIGHT NOW to set them straight, and get them out of the way, to make way for you MODERN-DAY SAMURAIS, who will show us all how DESTROYING nature is really the best way to PROTECT IT! I can't imagine how I could have been so STUPID and BLIND, as to miss that OBVIOUS point!
Best wishes, and thank you ever so much,
Your friend always,
>Again, congratulations for a great site, and see you on the trails.